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Just Because He Hasn’t Hit You, Doesn’t Mean He Isn’t Dangerous
For women in abusive relationships, living in a perpetual state of fear can become an everyday reality. When that’s your normal, it’s easy to engage in a behavior that feels proactive, but is actually incredibly harmful: moving the goalposts.
Romantic relationships rarely start out as abusive. You were likely drawn in by a great sense of humor, a charming personality, a shared worldview, or maybe even all three. But as time went on, red flags were raised. And as each additional flag appeared, you designated a new deal-breaker: “He said something hurtful, but at least he didn’t raise his voice” became “he yelled, but at least he didn’t put his hands on me.”
This can seem useful on its face. After all, you’re utilizing an ability to reflect, assess and predict: “This is a behavior that occurred, this is one that could potentially follow, but I don’t think it will come to pass.” The only problem is that those predictions are being made by someone who is afraid, and you’re not making your best decisions when you’re scared.
In a typical abusive relationship, psychological aggression generally precedes physical violence. According to the Center for Disease Control, which publishes a National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, this can include expressive aggression and coercive…
