Why Do Terrible Parents Still Want Custody?

Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash

Divorces and break-ups can be messy enough on their own, but when children are involved, there arises a whole additional slew of issues around determining custody and visitation. Often during the relationship, one parent was decidedly less interested in child-rearing responsibilities. Sometimes, a parent was completely absent, or abusive, or otherwise downright terrible. But then when the time comes to settle custody, this parent is suddenly demanding equal (or even full) custody. So, what gives?

There are a lot of reasons an objectively terrible parent would still fight for and want favorable custody or visitation. Here are five potential explanations.

1. Because you do.

For many parents, the reason is as simple as this. You want primary or full custody? Well now they do, because in a worst-case scenario (they don’t get it) they’ve at least caused you a good bit of frustration and emotional distress — not to mention costing you financially in terms of court and lawyer fees — and in a best-case scenario (they get it), they’ve taken away something they know you want. This is an especially common explanation when it comes to abusive relationships, as is the second potential reason.

2. Because they see their child as a weapon, not a person.