Your Ex Probably Tells People You’re Crazy

Photo by Nqobile Vundla on Unsplash

Relationships end for all sorts of complex reasons, but abusive ones tend to go out with a bang rather than a fizzle — not so much a ‘misalignment of your astrological planets’ as a collapsing star creating a supernova-grade explosion of emotions. Yet, while explaining these sorts of relationships to friends, family or a new partner is complicated and difficult for abuse survivors, the abusers themselves often make it pretty simple: you’re crazy.

They subjected you to years of verbal and emotional abuse and eventually with professional psychiatric help you managed to leave the relationship? You’re crazy.

They belittled you on a daily basis and controlled where you went, who you spoke to and how you spent your money until you found the courage to escape to independence? You’re crazy.

They made threats to physically harm or even kill you and your loved ones unless you didn’t do what they wanted, so you went to the police and got a restraining order? You’re crazy.

It’s best for survivors of domestic violence if they no longer have any contact whatsoever with their abuser — not in person, not via text or email, not even shared spaces on social media platforms. Ideally, you won’t even run into them in the grocery store because you live in separate communities. But reality doesn’t always present us…